28 June

Today is 28th June.... Birthday of 2 of my most favorite beings..both of whom sadly aren't with me anymore..

My grandfather whom we used to call Anna who passed away due to old age at 89 and my elder sister.. my dear dear Tai..who suddenly left us at mere age of 28.

I am writing this for her...morever for me than for her

It took me over 12 years to gather courage to just even write something for her...the whole "she leaving us" is such a big trauma which we have never recovered from and would never will..it was shocking, it was unrealistic and it was so very sad and unfortunate....They say time heals everything. Well, time heals nothing! We just get used to keep living and as we can't afford to be sad forever we decide to wear various masks to suit each situation and keep living....what else can we do?

Anyways I don't want to write how sad I am or we all in the family are....that's not something anyone needs to know...that will never change... neither I want to write why it happened or how it happened as it doesn't matter now..

But I want to be able to memorize her, talk about her...boldly and loudly.. with my family, friends ...there is not a single day that passes without me remembering her...but at times I get suffocated as I do not have courage to mention her to anyone ..but she deserves better...she deserves to be talked about for all the wonderful times we had together, about how awesome of a sister, a friend, a daughter she has been..

Someone who taught me most of the things I know... 

literally from how to comb my hair, from how to arrange clothes in right sequence in the bathroom when going for bath 

to how to make good aloo parathas, how to finely cut coriander ..

how to fold clothes in neat way...and what not 

someone whom I loved to copy for every small thing...

someone who is my role model in everything that I do...

someone I love to the core of my heart...

someone with whom I wanted to share each and every silly thing happening in my day to day life ..

someone who was always a phone call away day or night..

Someone like my soulmate literally...

Even I loved all her friends..

If she says some movie is nice, I will like it

If she says some book is great, I will read it

I was..sorry I "am" a blind fan of hers...

I am writing this for myself...

I want to be able to answer 3..when someone says how many siblings you are...I hate to say I am the elder sister...I never wanted to be elder...

But just to avoid painful conversation I have been saying we are 2 sisters

I am surrounded by everyone who loves me but I miss her pampering, I miss being a younger sister...I miss getting scolded by her...I miss her telling me what not to do...i miss asking her solution for any and every problem in my life ..I miss everything...

If you are reading this, please don't ask me questions ..as I may still need another 12 years to gather courage for answering those

Happy birthday my dearest Tai. 

I know you are always there with us...

Please keep visiting me every now and then in my dreams to say hello...those are the simply the best days when I wake up with close to real feeling of meeting you...

Love you...